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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 14:43 Di 12.12.2006 | | Autor: | chiqa |
| Aufgabe | | Describe Henriett's life without using human words like "flat" or work" |
Hey Leute der Text heißt Life in a box von Jesse Mills
Die Frage hab ich beantwortet nur bin mir nicht sicher ob Grammatikfehler sind. Wäre nett wenn sie mir helfen könnten oder ob ich einen besseren Stil haben könnte.
Henrietta's life is very complicated.
She dissatisfied with her little home in a box.
Every day is horrible, she doesn't get much sleep, because of the neighbours and at night, the lights in her building can't be turned off.
She has to do lots of things like carry on a job and if she becomes ill, she will be killed, because people would be ill, if they roast and eat her.
Her life as a chicken is too hard, but very short. Her body will be sold for meat as soon as possible.
Danke im voraus :)
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 16:41 Di 12.12.2006 | | Autor: | Amy1988 |
Hey Chiqa!
Also...erstmal ein paar Verbesserungsvorschläge:
> Henrietta's life is very complicated one .
> She is dissatisfied with her little home in a box. Hier würde ich die beiden Sätze verbinden! and her life at all. She nerver gets enouhg sleep because of the neighbours and the fact that at night the lights in her home/box can't be turned off. Vielleicht kannst du auch noch erläutern, was es mit den Nachbarn auf sich hat?! - Ich kenne leider den Text nicht, also kann ich dir da nciht so viel weiterhelfen SRY
> Every day is horrible, she doesn't get much sleep, because
> of the neighbours and at night, the lights in her building
> can't be turned off.
> She also has to do lots of things like carry Was willst du damit sagen? Vielleicht ein anderes Wort als carry beutzen, damit es klarer wird... on a job and if
> she becomes ill, she will be killed, because people would
> be become (statt be) ill, if they roast and eat her.
> Her life as a chicken is too hard, but very short Vielleicht besser: is very hard and pretty short . Her
> body will be sold for meat as soon as possible.
Ansonsten vielleicht noch der Tipp, bereits zu Anfang zu sagen, dass Henriette ein Huhn ist 
Ich hoffe, dass ich dir ein bisschen helfen konnte!Viel Glück damit ...
Amy
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