Geschichte lesen < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 12:19 So 13.09.2009 | | Autor: | nflor91 |
| Aufgabe | ERstelle dir eine fiktive Figur und beschreibe die Ausweanderung der Figur von Russland nach Amerika mit der zwischenstation in HAmburg.
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Könnte jemand mal den Text auf Grammatische Fehler kontrollieren wäre echt nett ich wäre sehr Dankbar.
A journey to a new life
Hello my name is Svenja. I’m 24 years old. My family and I live in New York for 10 years now. We went to America because of the pogrom in Russia. Russia is my home-country. I was 14 years old when my mother and my dad decided to move to America. My parents decided that because the life in Russia wasn’t so easy in the eighties. The biggest problem in this time was our Jewish origin. For us it was forbidden to buy new land and of course we couldn’t live our religion up. Friends of my parents wrote us many letters from America. In this letters they described how friendly it is in America and that everybody can live they religion, nobody has to hide himself and that even girls have the right to visit a school. In December 1882 our house was searched by uniformed men. They almost destroyed and stole everything we had. This was the final point to leave Russia. We only packed a few important things, which the uniformed men left behind. The money for the long journey we get from our grandmother. Our grandmother was very sick and because of that she gave us everything she had. It was much money but we didn’t know if the money would be enough to pay the journey. We also knew that many people passed the border between Preußen and Russia illegally. We wanted to do it legally. But the time was close and we had to leave the country very soon. We didn’t have the time to wait for our passports so we had to risk something. One day after the burglary we started our journey in a new life. First of all we went from Noginsk to Moscow. It was a strenuous walk and it took three days. In Moscow we had to buy very expensive tickets for the train. After we had bought the tickets we got to know that our train had an accident. We had to stay in Moscow for three long days. We slept in the main station of Moscow to save money. We had not much to eat but we survived these three days. The train came and he brought us to a place not far away from the border to Preußen. We went over the border illegally because we didn’t have the passports. It was very close. A soldier saw us when we went over the border. We were pursued by a soldier and he nearly caught us. We were lucky that two friendly people let us in their house and so the soldier never saw us again. But from now on we had to be much more carefully. We still had a long journey ahead us and the money became less. Our next target was Berlin. We get there because many lovely people took us with them in their cars. We reached Berlin five days after we crossed the border. In Berlin we had to take the train again. The train went directly to Hamburg. In Hamburg two terrible things happened. The first thing was that my dad became ill, seriously ill and the second thing was that the tickets for the crossing to America cost for each person 60 thaler. We didn’t know what we should do. The medicine for my dad was very expensive and so we didn’t have enough money for the third ticket. After 2 days in Hamburg my dad offered the suggestion to stay in Hamburg and when he is healthy again to work until he got the money to come to America. My mother and I didn’t want to go to America without him. My dad asked us to get to America without him. We only left him because of the money. But something strange happened at the Hamburg harbour. An old lady talked to us when my mother and I bought our tickets. The name of the lady was Rosa Blom and she was 71 years old and came from Hamburg. She asked us why we looked so sad and said we should be happy that we reached the Hamburg harbour. We explained her that we had to leave my dad back in Hamburg. And suddenly the old lady gave us 60 thaler for a third ticket. My mum and I were so pleased. Of course we ran immediately to the hospital where my dad lay got him out there and went back to the harbour. At the harbour we were luckily again. We heard that some of the officials were very strict and evil and didn’t let everybody pass but our official only smiled and he let us pass. But before we got on the steamer we were checked for diseases. Of course I was scared because I thought again that my dad couldn’t come with us, but thank god that the medicine worked so rapidly. My dad came with us. After 13 days of journey we stood on the steamer and we were really happy. The shipping took 12 days again. After two days in America my dad and my mother had a job and I went to school for the first time of my life. We could do whatever we want without being scared all the time. Now I want to become a teacher because education is in my opinion the most important thing. Without education you reach nothing.
Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt.
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 10:41 Mi 16.09.2009 | | Autor: | M.Rex |
> ERstelle dir eine fiktive Figur und beschreibe die
> Ausweanderung der Figur von Russland nach Amerika mit der
> zwischenstation in HAmburg.
>
>
> Könnte jemand mal den Text auf Grammatische Fehler
> kontrollieren wäre echt nett ich wäre sehr Dankbar.
>
> A journey to a new life
>
Hello my name is Svenja. I’m 24 years old. My family and I live in New York sincefor 10 years now. We went to America because of the pogrom in Russia. Russia is my home-country. I was 14 years old when my mother and my dad decided to move to America. My parents decided that because the life in Russia wasn’t so easy in the eighties. The biggest problem in this time was our Jewish origin. For us it was forbidden to buy new land and of course we couldn’t ![[]](/images/popup.gif) Worshiplive our religion up. Friends of my parents wrote us many letters from America. In this letters they described how friendly it is in America and that everybody can live theyhis religion, nobody has to hide himself and that even girls have the right to visit a school. In December 1882 our house was searched by uniformed men. They almost destroyed and stole everything we had. This was the final point to leave Russia. We only packedtook a few important things, which the uniformed men left behind. The money for the long journey we getgot from our grandmother. Our grandmother was very sick and because of that she gave us everything she had. It was much money but we didn’t know if the money would be enough to pay the journey. We also knew that many people passed the border between Preußen and Russia illegally. We wanted to do it legally. But the time was close and we had to leave the country very soon. We didn’t have the time to wait for our passports so we had to risk something. One day after the burglary we started our journey in a new life. First of all we went from Noginsk to Moscow. It was a strenuous walk and it took three days. In Moscow we had to buy very expensive tickets for the train. After we had bought the tickets we got to know that our train had an accident. We had to stay in Moscow for three long days. We slept in the main station of Moscow to save money. We had not much to eat but we survived these three days. The train came and he brought us to a place not far away from the border to Preußen. We went over the border illegally because we didn’t have the passports. It was very close. A soldier saw us when we went over the border. We were pursued by a soldier and he nearly
caught us. We were lucky that two friendly people let us in their house and so the soldier never saw us again. But from now on we had to be much more carefully. We still had a long journey ahead us and the money became less. Our next target was Berlin. We get there because many lovely people took us with them in their cars. We reached Berlin five days after we crossed the border. In Berlin we had to take the train again. The train went directly to Hamburg. In Hamburg two terrible things happened. The first thing was
that my dad became ill, seriously ill and the second thing was that the tickets for the crossing to America cost for each person 60 thaler. We didn’t know what we should do. The medicine for my dad was very expensive and so we
didn’t have enough money for the third ticket. After 2 days in Hamburg my dad offered the suggestion to stay in Hamburg and when he is healthy again to work until he got the money to come to America. My mother and I didn’t want
to go to America without him. My dad asked us to get to America without him. We only left him because of the money. But something strange happened at the Hamburg harbour. An old lady talked to us when my mother and I bought our tickets. The name of the lady was Rosa Blom and she was 71
years old and came from Hamburg. She asked us why we looked so sad and said we should be happy that we reached the Hamburg harbour. We explained her that we had to leave my dad back in Hamburg. And suddenly the old lady gave us 60 thaler for a third ticket. My mum and I were so pleased. Of course we ran immediately to the hospital where my dad lay, got him out there and went back to the harbour. At the harbour we were luckily again. We heard that some of the officials were very strict and evil and didn’t let everybody pass but our official only smiled and he let us pass. But before we got on the steamer we were checked for diseases. Of course I was scared because I thought again that my dad couldn’t come with us, but thank god that the medicine worked so rapidly. My dad came with us. After 13 days of journey we stood on the steamer and we were really happy. The shipping took 12 days again. After two days in America my dad and my mother had a job and I went to school for the first time of my life. We could do whatever we want without being scared all the time. Now I want to become a teacher because in my opinion Satzbau education is in my opinion the most important thing. Without education you reach nothing.
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Das waren erstmal die Fehler, die ich gefunden habe.
Marius
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(Antwort) fertig | | Datum: | 21:33 Mi 16.09.2009 | | Autor: | mmhkt |
Guten Abend,
einige kleine Ergänzungen zur bereits vorliegenden Korrektur:
Hello my name is Svenja. I’m 24 years old. My family and I live in New York sincefor 10 years now. We went to America because of the pogrom in Russia. Russia is my home-country. I was 14 years old when my mother and my dad decided to move to America. My parents decided that because the life in Russia wasn’t so easy in the eighties. The biggest problem in this time was our Jewish origin. For us it was forbidden to buy new land and of course we couldn’t []Worshiplive our religion up. Friends of my parents wrote us many letters from America. In this letters they described how friendly it is in America and that everybody can live theyhis religion, nobody has to hide himself and that even girls have the right to visit a school. In December 1882 our house was searched by uniformed men. They almost destroyed and stole everything we had. This was the final point to leave Russia. We only packedtook a few important things, which the uniformed men left behind. The money for the long journey we getgot from our grandmother. Our grandmother was very sick and because of that she gave us everything she had. It was much money but we didn’t know if the money would be enough to pay the journey. We also knew that many people passed the border between Preußen (Prussia = Preußen - weiter unten steht das nochmal) and Russia illegally. We wanted to do it legally. But the time was close and we had to leave the country very soon. We didn’t have the time to wait for our passports so we had to risk something. One day after the burglary we started our journey in a new life. First of all we went from Noginsk to Moscow. It was a strenuous walk and it took three days. In Moscow we had to buy very expensive tickets for the train. After we had bought the tickets we got to know that our train had an accident. We had to stay in Moscow for three long days. We slept in the main station of Moscow to save money. We had not much to eat but we survived these three days. The train came and he brought us to a place not far away from the border to Preußen. We went over the border illegally because we didn’t have the passports. It was very close. A soldier saw us when we went over the border. We were pursued by a soldier and he nearly
caught us. We were lucky that two friendly people let us in (m.E. müsste das "into" heißen) their house and so the soldier never saw us again. But from now on we had to be much more carefully. We still had a long journey ahead us and the money became less. Our next target was Berlin. We got there because many lovely (lovely = siehe hier. m.E. wäre "freundlich" die passendere Wortwahl) people took us with them in their cars. We reached Berlin five days after we crossed the border. In Berlin we had to take the train again. The train went directly to Hamburg. In Hamburg two terrible things happened. The first thing was
that my dad became ill, seriously ill and the second thing was that the tickets for the crossing to America cost for each person (das sollte ans Satzende, hinter 60 thaler) 60 thaler. We didn’t know what we should do. The medicine for my dad was very expensive and so we
didn’t have enough money for the third ticket. After 2 days in Hamburg my dad offered the suggestion to stay in Hamburg and when he is healthy again to work until he got the money to come to America. (alternativ: [...]in Hamburg until he is healthy and then to work for the money to pay a ticket to America.) My mother and I didn’t want
to go to America without him. My dad asked us to get to America without him. We only left him because of the money. But something strange happened at the Hamburg harbour. An old lady talked to us when my mother and I bought our tickets. The name of the lady was Rosa Blom and she was 71
years old and came from Hamburg. She asked us why we looked so sad and said we should be happy that we reached the Hamburg harbour. We explained her that we had to leave my dad back in Hamburg. And suddenly the old lady gave us 60 thaler for a third ticket. My mum and I were so pleased. Of course we ran immediately to the hospital where my dad lay, got him out there and went back to the harbour. At the harbour we were luckily again. We heard that some of the officials were very strict and evil and didn’t let everybody pass but our official only smiled and he let us pass. But before we got on the steamer we were checked for diseases. Of course I was scared because I thought again that my dad couldn’t come with us, but thank god that the medicine worked so rapidly. My dad came with us. After 13 days of journey we stood on the steamer and we were really happy. The shipping took 12 days again. (m.E. müsste das "took another 12 days" heißen) After two days in America my dad and my mother had a job and I went to school for the first time of my life. We could do whatever we want without being scared all the time. Now I want to become a teacher because in my opinion Satzbau education is in my opinion the most important thing. Without education you reach nothing.
Na, ob das wirklich so schnell ging damals, in zwei Tagen einen Job zu haben und eine Schule zu besuchen?
Konnte die alte Frau Blom in Hamburg russisch und/oder englisch - hatten die Auswanderer außer russisch weitere Sprachkenntnisse, deutsch oder gar englisch?
Solche Fragen werden schon mal gestellt, wenn es um den schlüssigen Aufbau der Geschichte geht.
Soweit für jetzt - ohne Anspruch auf Vollständigkeit.
Schönen Abend
mmhkt
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Hi erstmal. Ich befürchte, das hier wird ein bischen länger werden. Zuerstmal ein allgemeiner Hinweis: Du neigst zu Wiederholungen! Teilweise schreibst du zweimal hintereinander den gleichen Satz und änderst nur eine Kleinigkeit. Das ist stilistisch höchst unsauber. Z.B. "My Mother and I didn’t want to go to America without him. My dad asked us to get to America without him." Des weiteren schreibst du ein ziemliches colloquial englisch. Viele Sätze sind so schon richtig, aber ich würde sie nicht so schreiben. Aber nun zum Text!
A journey to a new life
Hello my name is Svenja. I’m 24 years old. My family and I live in New York for 10 years now. We went to America because of the pogrom in Russia. Russia is my home-country. I was 14 years old when my mother and my dad decided to move to America. My parents decided thatbesser: made that decission because the life in Russia wasn’t so easy1. Beispiel. Ist schon richtig, aber für mich fehlt hier: "as...". Besser wäre es im schriftlichen vermutlich, auf die Verneinung zu verzichten: "life in R. was hard/complicated/difficult/etc. in the eighties. The biggest problem in this time was our Jewish origin. For usJews it was forbidden to buy new land and of course we couldn’t live our religion (up) worship, wie es in einer anderen Korrektur vorgeschlagen wurde erscheint mir falsch, denn es heißt verehren. Friends of my parents wrote us many letters from America. In this letters they described how friendly it is in America and that everybody can live they religion, nobody has to hide (himself) hide ohne Objekt meint schon: "sich verstecken" and that even girls have the right to visit a school. In December 1882 our house was searched by uniformed men. They almost destroyed and stole everything we had. This was the final point to leave Russia. We only packed a few important things, which the uniformed men left behind. veränderte Satzstellung we get got the money for the long journey from our grandmother. Our grandmother was very sick and because of thatkürzer: and so she gave she gave us everything she had. It was much money but we didn’t know if the money would be enough to pay the journey.
We also knew that many people passed the border between Preußen and Russia illegally. We wanted to do it legally. But the time was closeshort and we had to leave the country very soon. We didn’t have the time to wait for our passports so we had to risk something.hier stellt sich deutlich die Frage: warum? vielleicht solltest du das Ausführen. Wurde die Familie verfolgt? Eine Hausplünderung scheint mir nicht genug Grund, nach Jahren in Russland von einem Tag auf den nächsten illegal auszuwandern One day after the burglary we started our journey in into/to a new life. First of all we went from Noginsk to Moscow. It was a strenuous walk and it took three days. In Moscow we had to buy very expensive tickets for the train. After we had bought the tickets we got to know that our train had an accident. We had to stay in Moscow for three long days. We slept in the main station central station (klassischer deutscher Fehler: hör mal auf die Ansagen in der Bahn, die machen das auch ständig falsch) of Moscow to save money. We had not much to eat but we survived these three days. The train came and he brought us to a place not far away from the border to Preußen. We went over the border illegally because we didn’t have the passports. It was very closedangerous klänge doch dramatischer, oder? . A soldier saw us when we went over the border. We were pursued by a soldier and he nearly caught us. We were lucky that two friendly people let us in their house and so the soldier never saw us again. But from now on we had to be much more carefully. We still had a long journey ahead us and the money became lessich glaube nicht, dass man das so sagen kann. Vielleicht: we ahd less money each day? . Our next target was Berlin. We get got there because many lovely people took us with them in their cars. We reached Berlin five days after we crossed the border. In Berlin we had to take the train again. The train went directly to Hamburg. Das hier zum Bsp ist ein bischen umständlich und eine deutliche Wiederholung. Wie wäre es mit: In B. we had to take the train directly to Hamburg.
In Hamburg two terrible things happened. The first thing was that my dad became ill, seriously ill and the second thing was that the tickets for the crossing to America cost for each person 60 thaler. We didn’t know what we should do. The medicine for my dad was very expensive and so we didn’t have enough money for the third ticket. After 2 days in Hamburg my dad offered the suggestion einfach "offered to stay" oder "suggested to stay" to stay in Hamburg and when he is healthy againwould be healthy again to work until he got the money to come to America. My Mother and I didn’t want to go to America without him. Stell doch mal deine Sätze in Beziehung! Vorschlag: ...come to America, but my mother and I didn't want to go without him My dad asked us to get to America without him. We only left him because of the money. Vorschlag: My dad insisted and so we left him, but it was just because of the money. But something strange happened at the Hamburg Harbour. An old lady talked to us when my mother and I bought our tickets. The name of the lady was Rosa Blom and she was 71 years old and came from Hamburg. She asked us why we looked so sad and said we should be happy that we reached the Hamburg harbour. We explained her that we had to leave my dad back in Hamburg. And suddenly the old lady gave us 60 thaler for a third ticket. My mum and I were so pleased. Of course we ran immediately to the hospital where my dad lay got him outof there and went back to the harbour. At the harbour we were luckilylucky againto be steht nicht mit Adverb . We heard that some of the officials were very strict and evil and didn’t let everybodyanybody pass but our official only smiled and he let us passohne Reisepass? Sehr befremdlich! . But"But" würde ich in diesem Fall weglassen. before we got on the steamer we were checked for diseases. Of course I was scared because I thought again that my dad couldn’t come with us, but thank god that the medicine worked so rapidly and My dad came with us. hier wieder eine krasse Wiederholung. Vllt: my dad was allowed to enter the ship After 13 days of journey we stood on the steamer and we were really happy. The shipping took 12 days again. After two days in America my dad and my mother had a job and I went to school for the first time of my life. We could do whatever we wantwanted without being scared all the time. Now I want to become a teacher because education is in my Opinionopinion the most important thing. Without education you reach nothing.
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